Rainy is a street dog who adopted me some time ago. He walked in one day out of the rain and plonked himself on a sofa and went to sleep. I thought of throwing him to the elements but was dissuaded by his canines that glistened in the tungsten light. Since then he and I are the best of friends. Often after a few days on the road I return to his abuses and grumbling but when things settle down we talk the talk.
Just the other day while I was unpacking after a short trip Rainy walked in and announced that he was in love
.
“Come on you can’t be serious”, I exclaimed.
“Yup, she’s the Lab that lives behind the church. She is a Reuben woman. I Like Reuben women you know they are…”
“Okay okay I get the drift”
“No you don’t get the drift…look at that broad you date, she could do with a meal, she looks like she’s just out of Somalia”…
“Don’t be racist…”
“Racist…me…this four legged furry chap. You must be joking. My folk are not racist. Do you see us ganging up according to our colour? Huh? There are no barriers in our society. The only time we get nasty is when a bitch is in heat and no one wants to queue.”
“If we can’t hold a civil conversation I suggest you go hang out at the church where Stinky your buddy sleeps on the wall.”
“Don’t change the topic. Seriously mate I am worried about you…you’ve got to get a proper woman, one that will clean the house, cook our food and get you to have a bath everyday”
“Look who’s talking, me, a bath, excuse me…have you smelled yourself lately? Oh, I forget, you guys keep smelling each other’s asses whenever you meet, what is it? A handshake?”
“You are getting personal?
“Listen I am tired, I am going for a bath and then out to my watering hole, got to meet Charlie for a beer”.
“Mate you’ve got to get your act together. Focus on the bigger issues, like getting a bigger woman. Trust me I know about these things. Lovey, the Lab, told me that her mistress who mirrors her in many ways is a great entertainer, cook and has stashed away a nice little nest egg. Lovey says she is waiting for the right guy. Imagine you and her tying up? It would be convenient for me and Lovey. One big happy family”
“You are daft. Go out and piss on some tree. I’m getting ready”
Rainy left in a huff.
Later at the watering hole I met Charlie and we discussed the latest developments in the Middle East.
“Charlie, everything’s going down the tube…”
“Even you man, look at you…get a life…come on let me introduce you to this nice lady…”
Before I could say anything Charlie beckons her to join us. Brown eyes, long hair and very much a Rueben babe.
“This is Chelsie, Chelsie this is Mark”
“Hi”
“Hi”
Charlie fades into the background as Chelsie suddenly speaks in a warm moist voice.
“Charlie tells me you are a writer? So what do you write?”
“This and that…usually I never speak about my writing. Maybe you could read some of my work when you find the time…on the net”
“Yes I would love to. But I don’t have an internet connection at home.”
“I have a high speed connection maybe when you are free we can…”
“I have a little spare time tonight…”
“Uhh… okay maybe we can go to my place around closing time”
“Sounds good”
She glided away to chat with Ann, the English school teacher.
Charlie sidled up to me and said, “So…?”
“So? We are just meeting at my place; she wants to see my stuff…read some of my work”
A few hours later, Chelsie and me are sitting in front of the comp at home and discussing my work. She is not dumb. A Phd. Someone to tickle my gray cells…she wears a charming fragrance and an aura of a lady…
We are interrupted by whining at the door. It’s Rainy, the son of a bitch, just when things are warming up.
I open the door and in walks furry face. Immediately Chelsie gets up and kneels next to Rainy, gently stroking his head.
“What a beautiful dog. He does look familiar? I wonder where I have seen him”
“His name is Rainy. I doubt you have met him.”
I give Rainy the look, which meant that if he didn’t leave immediately he would be snipped the following morning by the Vet. You know, rooster to a hen.
“Mate, I’ve got to tell you something, come out” he said with an urgent look.
“No, out, now”. I closed the door behind him and locked it.
That night as I lay next to Chelsie a second time, I was at peace. Her presence was all pervasive. Even the pillow caught her perfume. Maybe Rainy was right. Maybe we needed a woman in the house. One who could love, cook and clean the house.
The following morning she made breakfast and left after kissing me on the cheek.
At noon in walked Rainy with a lascivious grin on his face.
“Not now”
“Yes, now, mate. That woman is Lovey’s mistress. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you two together. So how did go? Did you?”
“Shut up, don’t be crude”.
“You chaps never get it. Losers, you are so desperate you do it even when you are not in love. At least we have our moral code, you know. Any ways, now what? Are you going to meet again? Marriage? Come on, you can tell me”
Just then there is a bark at the door. I open it and see Chelsie with a large Lab at the door. She looks embarrassed.
“Sorry but Lovey dragged me here. I knew I had seen your dog somewhere. He is very naughty. You know he jumped over the wall and…and…did Lovey a few weeks ago. Now I am sure we are going to have mixed breed pups.”
I looked at Rainy lovingly. He was my mate and I had to stand up for him. Rainy was panting with joy to see Lovey at his front door.
“Come on in, maybe we can find homes for the pups”
“Yes, that is kind of you. May I let Lovey off the chain?”
“Sure”
Lovey and Rainy , after smelling each other’s asses settled down on the sofa licking each other and themselves.
“Mark, would you like some tea” asked Chelsie with a smile.
“Yes darling that would be nice”.
I walked out onto the verandah to smoke a cigar. Rainy joined me. We sat in silence, two men chilling out knowing we had good fine women to look after us… in a way civilising us.
That night Chelsie made me have a bath and then set up a comfortable sleeping place for Rainy and Lovey. She didn’t want the “dogs” sleeping on the sofa.
And as we lay in the dark she bit my ear and whispered, “Tomorrow I shall make Burmese Kaukswe for you”.
I smiled and clung to my Reuben woman, a delightful creature to love and behold and cherish.
Maybe Rainy was right.
But we shall have to see in the coming days.








